April 10th, 2011 - Resurrection

April 10th, 2011 - Resurrection The hot and humid days are slowing subsiding, making it more bearable to live here. I am thankful that even with days like those, the weather is still manageable. I can go outside every day. I started to run a few miles a day on an unpaved road near my farm. I never thought of this possibility – “to cross the border” of my farm. We always lived very secludedly within our property, never wandering around, or visiting neighbors. My mother wanted to keep us away from strange men’s eyes, and I am grateful for it. That´s my turn now to teach my daughter to protect herself. The road goes around the farm, for a few miles, up and down gentle hills, making it pleasant to ride a bicycle. At a certain point, I reach the rural paved road and have a view of a lake. The worst part is when I have to pass by a house with a mean dog. I try hard to look at the everyday blessings I have in my life. Running in the morning, already getting some sunshine, along with my five (of six) dogs, I go under pinus trees, some honeysuckle vine climbing off the cliff, extending my vision to green pasture taken by cows to the left, and coffee plantation to the right. I rarely see people, but when it does happen, I surely know them. Nothing else has changed much, except that I am no longer working on my vegetable garden. I have time now for running while my housecleaner works in the house. I have more time to spare, thinking, writing, reading, sleeping, and attending church several times a week. I am preparing myself to spend here another year, trying to accept the facts the way that they are; not with the intention to change it, but to surrender. But my biggest challenge so far is to change my way of thinking. I don’t let my thoughts run aimlessly anymore. I am vigilant, and gently, I redirect my mind to Jesus. All the other plans will come in second. I feel the need to overcome the cheap desires of my flesh, toughening my soul, but feeding my spirit. While everything looks frozen in my outward life, my inward life is bubbling with the restoration of my soul. I am very excited about my new spiritual journey after two years of drought. I am having my faith restored. When I can’t do anything else, when all the odds seem to be against me, that’s when God comes in. In very little ways, He has shown me that there is a way. A 68-year old widow told me she bought a tiny piece of land wanting to plant mandioc, yam, and corn. If she has a dream of seeing plants growing, knowing that she can’t eat it all, I do too take pleasure from the land. I start to think about selling a portion of the farm in order to raise some money, and then, fix up the house, and continue living here. This would cut out all the possibility of going back to America sometime soon. The longer I take to go back, the more difficult it will become. I have lots to think, but next week is the Resurrection day, all the meaning of why I still have hope. Remembering that I too can be resurrected, perhaps not in the way I imagine, but somehow, in a yet better way that only the perfect God can do.